Drunk gay sex in alley with strangers
When does he decide to pay the cost? Pretty much when every other choice runs out. But “quick” and “cheap,” for an addiction years in the making, are delusional. He’s admitted the problem, he’s thinking, so just fix it. Yes, it’s possible to turn off the chaos, to be more than his lowest impulses. I know a lot of men like him, husbands, leaders, workers who got lost.
There’s a program, I say, a system tested and proven. If he stays, I tell him, he has a way out. Instead of adding to the shame that’s kept him from confiding to any human being, I give him hope. He shows up in my office, and I blindside him again. His “worst moments” hit critical mass, and the only way out, his last resort, is to find help. One day his obsession pushes him too far. He’s terrified of being found out, of the Doomsday loss of his family, his work, his reputation… Instead of the truck he’s driving, or the surgery he’s scrubbing for, or playing with his kids, his focus diverts into a back alley. Inside, the secrecy, the shame, the compulsion, are hijacking the man’s relationships and, like termites, eroding his work. Or a man’s use of sexual objects on himself, he can’t stop, and they threaten to harm him. Thoughts of sex with strangers consume his time. Or a man fantasizes about anonymous sex dating and uses his breaks to study personals ads. Or when a wife catches her husband in the bathroom busy with porn and himself. His boss turns a blind eye, yet he thinks, “I’m really out of control and lucky I’m not going to get fired.” He’s not gay – sometimes that’s how it works.
A guy gets caught having sex with unknown men.